by Lon Lindsey

You will note that I've been mentioning more and more about relationship building. That is because I've see a new paradigm shift in our society partly due to high technology, the Internet and a lifestyle that seems to be more and more rushed and stressed. People are doing what has been labeled as "cocooning". This means people, once they get home after work, want to put up a privacy wall around themselves, and not be bothered. Such indications are homes with privacy fences, garage doors that close as soon as the car enters the garage, neighbors who don't know neighbors and so forth. Other evidence of cocooning are things that can't be seen, but behaviors that are going on in the home. Examples are people not answering their phones and letting their answering machines do the talking for them or caller ID so people are speaking only to those people they want to speak to. People are now able to communicate with the world around them in a very non threatening style by logging onto the Internet. They can get information, shop, chat, talk, even video conference right from the privacy of their home. What is happening, people are able to fulfill many of their needs by doing things within their home just the same as they did by going to the mall or going over to a friend's home or going to a local opportunity meeting or whatever. When you add the fast- paced stressed out societal work force, you have more and more people just staying at home during non-work time.

What this means to those who want to build a business is crucial. Building a business equates to finding and identifying people who can be talk to about a business opportunity. Therein lies the new twenty first century challenge. How do you get past that privacy fence. How do you make it beyond that answering machine or that caller ID. How do you get in touch and talk to those people who used to be very assessable? The answer to that is relationship- building.

People still talk to people . . . that hasn't really changed, but they talk to people they know or people they have had some kind of contact with. Even if you get past that answering machine, there is a good chance they really don't want to talk to you, but out of kindness they endure what you have to say . . . and some people aren't even kind when intruded on via the phone.

So, the question becomes "how do you build relationships with people so they want to talk to you or they, at least, will listen to you?" Let me give you some steps to the art of relationship-building.

Building a business based on relationship-building is essential. With the arrival of the Internet and email and other technology many of us saw it as a way to short-cut the business-building process. In other words, we saw the Internet as a way to find new business partners and THEN build relationships. Actually, we saw the Internet as a way to speed up the process, not intentionally short-cut it . . but in the process, we really did short-cut the relationship-building process because we left out essential elements of a solid relationship plus it was not based on what solid relationships are founded upon. The problem was the relationship was based on only a business relationship and this kind of relationship is not strong enough to keep people involved during the frustrating times of the initial business-building process. This approach proved it was a "friend today" gone tomorrow type thing.

Thanks to the Internet, it makes it possible to identify and find others who we can adequately build a relationship with and, in fact, we can do so much faster due to email, phone, fax, etc; however we cannot short-cut the elements that make a relationship strong. Here are the steps for genuine relationship-building:

1. Seek out others who may have similar interests, goals, visions, etc. as you. New relationships are a result of a type of bonding that is based on similarities. People identify with others who can relate to via similar interests and desires and experiences.
2. Attract others to you based on something of value you can provide them. What can you bring to the relationship that is worth their wanting to have a relationship with you? Often times we hear successful relationships are a result of a 50/50 give and take. In actuality, it is a 60/40 where you are willing to give 60% to the relationship. It's when each side is willing to do that for the right reasons, a deep friendship/relationship is formed.
3. Make yourself available to others. Open yourself up to them. Tell them who you are . . . your own story. Tell of your own successes . . failures . . .wants . .challenges, etc. to make yourself human to others.
4. Be genuine and honest as you build your own credibility and trust with others. Notice I said "genuine." If you try to develop a new relationship only as a strategy to build your business, then it won't work. It will come across as plastic and insincere. Consider other interests you may have as a way to initiate and develop a new relationship.
5. Share, share, share! If you go into a relationship based on what YOU can get out of it, then the relationship will be short-lived. What can you share with someone else that gives you joy and makes you feel good about sharing with them? The real joy of sharing is when you share with someone else strictly for the joy it brings you in doing so because you want to share yourself with them. I can't tell you the number of times I have shared with my competition resulting in new life-long relationships, but I did so based on the joy of sharing, not what I might get out of such business-wise.

What I am about to tell you may be something that is completely foreign to you. Initiating a new relationship has to do with your attitude. It has to come from within for a reason that many people can't understand because the purpose is foreign to them. If you have something of value that will benefit someone else, that is where you start. By "something of value", I'm not talking about a new business opportunity, but something that can be of benefit to a person based on their own interests. In other words, you look for the opportunity to help someone in a way in which you give and they receive. The best way to do this is to consider something that you are an expert at. Everyone has at least one thing they are an expert at, simply based on numerous experiences and and their own involvement in such. Opportunities are there for you to share with others your expertise on certain things because they may be where you were regarding that interest some time ago.

An example of such is a person who is an expert at fishing. Perhaps he runs across others who have an interest in fishing . . whether they are a beginner or they simply want to learn more. Here is an opportunity to share an expertise with someone else because of the joy of sharing. Because of similar interests, we have the making of a possible new relationship. Because of an attitude and joy of wanting to share, you look for opportunities to do so. There are several ways to do this. You can accidently stumble across someone or you can have them stumble across you or you can search for opportunities to share. An example of your searching for such would be your subscribing to a newsgroup on fishing or your going to a chat room to partake in a discussion on fishing, or you subscribe to a newsletter on fishing and provide articles to the membership via this newsletter. Another way of sharing with people is to have people come to you. You could develop your own newsletter or ezine on "The Art of Successful Fishing" in which you FREELY provide helpful hints and strategies for those who subscribe. You will find that there will be those subscribers who you will develop a very close relationship with based on dialogue you have with them via email, chat, postal letters or/and phone.

Now, I'm going to mention something again because it is so important, it needs mentioning over and over again. If you set up a strategy to share your expertise with others ONLY as a strategy to develop new relationships so as you can go to people to build your business, then it will not work. If you set up a strategy for sharing because you want to share for sharing sake, then your reward will be true relationships that you can go to with your business opportunity, but in a way that won't damage your relationship with people.

A simple formula for genuine relationship-building is: Joy of sharing + give, give, give = New relationship!

So, when is it appropriate to share your business opportunity with a new relationship you've formed? There are so many factors involved, there cannot be a strict rule as to when. For me, it comes from within. That is . . it comes when our relationship has developed to the point that I really feel comfortable sharing because I feel I am providing something that can be of benefit to the person based on what I know. If I feel like my initiating such would hurt our relationship, then I know it is not yet time or the person has convinced me in other ways that he/she would not be interested in what I am doing. It's a "feel" kind of thing that you just have to learn.

Network marketing was created based on people sharing with people. It was based on a person's believing in something and sharing such with someone they knew. In other words, you didn't just send out information to people you didn't know. You went to people who knew you. Successful networking is your going to a few people you know and their going to a few people they know. When done correctly, it is a process of working smarter rather than working harder. When we have genuine relationships, we have what is called our "warm market" of people we can go to. We should be building our warm market daily, but only for the right reason!